


Big-Ass

by gurajiorasu



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 23:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3547670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gurajiorasu/pseuds/gurajiorasu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“They said-,” Jun, following Sho’s lead, sat up straight again and cleared his throat, “-the bigger the cars, the smaller the-”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big-Ass

Nino threw his bag to the couch and his keys to the coffee table carelessly. Ohno looked up, assessing how grumpy Nino was that day and he deemed that Nino was grumpy-normal that day. Jun, on the other hand, was attracted to the set of keys that was stranded on the edge of table.  
  
“New car?” Jun asked.  
  
Nino plopped his body next to Ohno and just smirked to Jun.  
  
Ohno peered to Nino and made up his mind; Nino was grumpy-smug that day.  
  
Sho put down his newspaper and looked at the keys too, “What now? Another big-ass flashy car?”  
  
Nino didn’t answer. He covered his eyes with his arm instead.  
  
Yeah, he was definitely grumpy-smug.  
  
“I saw it,” Aiba entered the room with a beam, “Big-ass, flashy, and red. Damn, that thing’s wheels are taller than my car!”  
  
Jun and Sho exchanged glances and turned around to hide their laughs.  
  
“No doubt, Jun, no doubt,” Sho tried his best to contain his laughter. He already teared up a bit, even.  
  
Jun just nodded because his laughter was unstoppable either.  
  
Nino sensed something was terribly wrong and opened his eyes. He threw Ohno’s script to Jun and scowled, “What’s so funny?”  
  
Jun held his stomach and curled up to the couch, his body was shaking hard by all the laughter.  
  
Sho wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes and tried to breathe right before answering in favor of Jun, “We’ve been talking about-,” he giggled again, “-oh, _God_ , what a perfect timing-,” Sho swallowed and struggled to continue, “-you know what they said about cars and- and- oh, my God,” he broke into a giggle fit again.  
  
Nino already had his hand on Jun’s coffee cup but fortunately Ohno prevented him from throwing it to Sho.  
  
“Cars and what, huh?!” Nino hissed.  
  
“Cars and- _pfffft.._ ,” even Jun couldn’t talk well.  
  
Aiba looked at Jun and Sho and his eyes widened when he had an idea of what made them so in trouble with breathing and talking. He shook his head and took his seat, “Oh, no. I’m not going to get involved in this.”  
  
“What?!” Nino shot to Aiba.  
  
Aiba put up his hands and shrugged, indicating that he really didn’t want to get involved in whatever it was.  
  
Sho, who finally calmed down, completed Jun’s words, “Dicks.”  
  
“What?!” Nino’s face contorted to disbelief.  
  
“They said-,” Jun, following Sho’s lead, sat up straight again and cleared his throat, “-the bigger the cars, the smaller the-”  
  
And the Sakumoto pair fell into laughter again.  
  
And Ohno turned alert because this, this would definitely drive Nino into his raging-mad state.  
  
And Nino turned red. Alarmingly red.  
  
“And since.. you car is..,” Jun, as daring as he could be, continued, “ _big-ass_ and flashy..”  
  
Nino grunted.  
  
Coffee was thrown and screams were heard.  
  
“YOU!” Nino outright screamed and Ohno had to hold him back.  
  
“Hey, hey,” Sho tried to stop his laughter again, “It’s not like we’re telling that your- your-”  
  
“IT’S _NOT_!!” Nino defensively cried out. It’s really unclear why he had to do that, though. It’s not like his private asset was lacking of something.  
  
It’s just.. he’s not the biggest on the band - which was natural minding the overall size of his body - and everyone knew how a man could be really sensitive when it’s concerning... _that_.  
  
His thing was still considerably big compared to average people would have, but surrounded by these men..  
And to add that he’s already grumpy from the beginning..  
  
“Okay, it’s not,” Jun said. But his lopsided smirk told everybody that the joke was not over.  
  
Nino threw Ohno’s bag to Jun.  
  
“It’s about the same size as his!” Nino spitted out while pointing his finger on Ohno.  
  
That, of course, gained another round of good laughter from the DoS and his partner in crime (and in bed. And in life, generally).  
  
Sho nodded, “Yeah, yeah. And that’s- that’s- _yeah_.”  
He didn’t really mean to mock, of course. It’s just highly amusing to tease the almighty brat and his protective lover at one go.  
  
Now Ohno sat up straight too. When his asset was in question, he could not be not alert. Hey, the difference between his and Sho’s was just a centimeter or so, if he remembered it right.  
  
How did he know? Oh, you wouldn’t want to know what kind of bizarre contests they had in their shower time.  
  
“That’s what, Sho kun?” Ohno asked.  
  
Nino instinctively scooted closer to Ohno. He just got an ally.  
  
“That’s obviously _large_. Yeah, Jun?” oh, the tease was too strong in this one.  
  
Jun, who had to bit his thumb to stop from chuckling, supported his boyfriend wholeheartedly, “Yeah, yeah. Of course.”  
  
Aiba caught the dangerous glint of Ohno’s eyes and he sighed, “Sho chan, you never learn, do you?”  
  
Sho’s little chuckles were still on the tip of his tongue when he turned to Aiba, “Huh? What?”  
  
Aiba rolled his eyes and a click was heard.  
  
Sho and Jun stared curiously at Ohno as the oldest locked the door.  
  
“It’s not that size matters, Sho chan,” Ohno said rather darkly and mischievously, “But if you insist... we can let you guys _measure_ it yourself.”  
  
Nino’s eyes widened for a split second, then he joined Ohno approaching the two tease with dangerous stare on his eyes.  
  
“Wh- what?” Sho asked nervously. He was pressed close to Jun as Ohno and Nino kept invading their personal space.  
  
Aiba sighed once again, “Can I at least record this?”  
  
“Enjoy the show, Aiba san,” Nino hissed.  
  
They were really grateful that their greenroom was soundproofed.  
  
*******  
  
An Hour Later  
  
*******  
  
“Mine is a bit bigger than yours, I guess,” Ohno mumbled as he eased his way out of the greenroom.  
  
“Yeah, I guess. Just a bit,” Nino, who was walking next to Ohno, agreed after a few seconds, “Just the way I like it.”  
  
Ohno hummed proudly then turned his head backwards, “Come on, guys. We can’t let the staffs wait, can we?”  
  
Behind them, Aiba was pulling two groaning limp guys. They walked funny. Really funny.  
  
“It’s your fault that we- _OUCH!_ STOP BUMPING TO ME, SHO!” Jun grunted.  
  
Sho hissed and pouted.  
  
Now it’s Ohno and Nino’s turn to laugh out loud.  
  
“Well, you seemed like you were asking for some _proofs_ ,” Ohno shrugged.  
  
Nino held his stomach and grabbed Ohno’s shoulder for support, “So? Was it as big as my big-ass car or what?”  
  
“FUCK YOU!!” Sho and Jun screamed in sync and they swore they would never tease the king of tease and his boyfriend ever again.


End file.
